So if you have read my intro or about page you know that I am a mom. My eldest son is 14 years old.
These centennials are so entitled it’s unbelievable! Here are some tips for a healthier relationship with your Teenager.
Tip 1 -Boundaries
From the day they took their first breaths and simultaneously took my breath away, my kids have known discipline and boundaries. I am in no way saying abuse your kids! Please don’t do that you will be arrested. But I am a coloured Muslim (double whammy), who came from a really strict household.
I am also pretty open with my kids, we laugh and joke about a lot of things, sex, condoms, dating, shaving all sorts of nonsense but there are limits. Don’t get me wrong my kids misbehave too and will try their luck, but I feel like the environment we have created at home is one where we don’t go too far.
Like when I’m having a conversation and my daughter feels like it’s OK to interrupt me because what she has to say is soooo important…That is something I will address immediately, this is an absolute No! No! for me! It’s so rude…
This is my initial response
“I am speaking, next time, wait your turn. What is soooo important you have to be so rude!?”, this will be met with an “I’m sorry mom, but,…”.
Back in the day I would have said,”give them a back-hand in the mouth” lol, but let’s face it, these days we can actually go to jail for such nonsense.
We go out to eat and they feel like playing is more important than eating …No! After you’re done and there is no wastage you can play…until then you sit down and eat like a person, no walking and talking while eating like an animal…It’s just unacceptable.
I also use the naughty corner as my tool. This can be effective as long as you take it seriously. Check my post on that here.
Tip 2- Create an open environment
At some point kids grow up, whether we like it or not, for every child those milestones happen at different ages. What you don’t want to do is overshare…Let your child be a child for as long as possible!!! But also if they ask a question answer as honestly as you can and at an age-appropriate level. So my son was about 9 when he asked “Mom, what’s a virgin”, inside I was dying, I really didn’t want to have the ‘birds and the bees” conversation with a 9-year-old, so I replied “You’re a virgin”, he followed up with “and you?”, I was like ” no son, I’m not a virgin anymore“.
And the same thing happened with my daughter also around 9, so I’m guessing they have sex ed at school which is awesome, due to all the teenage pregnancies in the world, and how much younger kids are becoming parents.
Her conversation went like this , my middle son asked her giggling “what’s your sex”, she replied and said “it’s female”, I started laughing and she says “mom, it’s not funny that’s my sex, but my teacher said it at school the other day and I was like (gasp) “, I asked “but why?” she’s like coz “you can’t talk about sex at school”, and then she said “but my teacher explained to us about male and female”, so I was like OK so now do you understand the difference, she was blushing at this point and said “yes”.
I casually spoke to the both of them and I said ” guys if you have any questions for me about anything, even sex, it’s OK to come and ask me OK, you won’t be in trouble, it’s normal”, my son looked like he was dying and wanted to crawl into a hole ” and I re-enforced OK boy, anything ” he was “Yeees mom I heard you”. I continued with “please don’t ask your friends, remember they are as old as you and probably know less, rather come and ask me I am here”.
Let me tell you, my kids will hide and whisper but they always somehow end up coming to me and asking or telling me things that you would never expect from a tween let alone a teenager.
Parents and guardians of the world…Respect goes both ways! I believe you reap what you sow. We should let go of this stone age mentality that we are the elders and only we deserve respect. No! PEOPLE deserve respect and are our kids also not people, humans, living organisms?. I can’t be walking around calling my kids names all day and expect them to love or even respect me, or even themselves for that matter ! it doesn’t work that way! We respected our parents out of fear!
I would like for my me and my kids to just have MUTUAL respect for each other. And for them to respect themselves above all. Respect doesn’t mean any discipline!!! it means when you ask for something say thank you if you walk into the house and they’re already home, say hello! Do unto others as you would have them do unto you…end of story!
Naturally, this is actually number one, the reason I am listing as the “final” tip is that we love those little guys so much that tips 1 through 4 will be out the door if you start thinking with your “love”. It is so obvious that we love our kids, I am probably one of the hardest people I know!
But these little guys melted my heart, I honestly didn’t ever think it was possible to love so deeply. Now I’m not saying I don’t love my husband, but, it’s different! So try to show them you love them in whatever way works for them, every child is different.
My cold Teenager
My teen is as unemotional AF, so he and I know the limits, especially in public. But I will randomly go ask for a kiss or say things like “tell me you love me?”. I can see he get’s a tad uncomfortable but this is my way of letting him know I do love him.
The 2 smaller open-hearted ones
The 2 smallies have such big hearts and are so full of love it’s actually tiring. But I make it a point to tell them I love them…Not everyday coz that’s just not me, but I re-enforce it as much as I can.
My little girl and I write each other love letters from time to time.
The Middle Child
If he asks me to play an Xbox game with him I would say “Ok only because I love you”. So try to be tactical about it, in a way that you are not a smother, but also enough that they never doubt how deeply you care!
I hope you’ve enjoyed! Please leave us some helpful tips in the comments that work for you?? Even if it’s just some discipline techniques